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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

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comments
How This Came To Be

This was a real experience by me; it all truly happened just a couple nights ago. Don't you think the whole thing is somewhat ironic? xD

Can you “see” the picture I'm trying to portray here through the usage of few words? I've always known that little words, when used correctly and fittingly, is powerful, but I know know how powerful. Hence my trying my hand at it. How well it came out, I don't know.

Please comment on what you think about this free verse, and how I can improve on my writing! ^^ (I promise I won't bite!)





How This Came To Be

End of day
Morales low
Tired
Stressed
Tensions high
Stomachache
Pain
Inquiries
Scolded
Rebuked
Guilty
Misty eyes
Blurred vision
Breaks down
Quiet weeping
Pauses
Runs upstairs
Collapses on bed
Sobbing
Wailing
Brokenness
Not comforted
None understands
Forgotten bedtime hug
Sorrowful
Depressed
Self-pity
Trickling wetness
Damp pillow
Once more
Awake
Thinking
Midnight
Slow motions
Bed creaking
Flipped switch
Blinding light
Still
Blinking
Adjusting
Rummaging
Paper
Pen
Starts
Writing

THIS

4 comments:

  1. Wow this is sooo good. I wish I was good at poetry... I'm only good at stories and non-fiction, like reports and stuff

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! ^^ I love writing stories and the stuff I need to write for English. xD

      Delete
  2. Don't worry, I love it! But how did you know my favorite hobby was editing?

    I just feel like it would be better if you added a few add-on words. You don't have to follow this new version, but this is how I would edit it:


    End of day
    Morales low
    I’m tired,
    Stressed,
    Tensions high.
    Stomachache,
    Pain,
    Inquiries scolded,
    Rebuked,
    Guilty,
    Misty eyes.

    I just feel like it makes it easier to read! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True...but then it wouldn't be single words, though!

      Or are you talking about the punctuation?

      Delete

Criticism is appreciated. Rudeness is not.

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